Hello, everyone. I hope your holidays were as good as mine. I'm ashamed to say it but I didn't watch a single Christmas special this year besides National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation (twice). For the second straight year in a row, I simply couldn't find the time. That's not to say I didn't try. Read on.
If Disney actually cared about its audience rather than making a buck, perhaps it wouldn't shamelessly promote "full-length movies" on DVD and VHS that in actuality are rehashed episodes from television. I not only wasted my time with its movies, but also my hard-earned money.
I bought Recess Christmas Miracle on Third Street last year on DVD after seeing it at a retail store. I'm a mark for cartoons and especially Christmas specials. So when I saw this bad boy on the store shelf, I thought I had to have it. It was Recess and it was, as the box promoted, a "Full-Length Holiday Movie." Well, I never did watch the movie that year, so when this Christmas rolled around, rather than spend my time with Charlie Brown, Ralphie or The Flintstones, I opted to watch something I hadn't seen before. I unwrapped Recess and popped the sucker into my DVD player. It only took ten minutes for me to become disgusted and fast forward through the entire thing.
You see, what Disney promotes as a full-length movie is actually three episodes of Recess from the TV series wrapped around maybe ten minutes of new footage. The "movie" takes place as the kids leave for Christmas break and a few minutes into it, the teachers start telling stories about the children. That flashes us back to those old episodes. But that's not the worst part. The episodes Recess Christmas features aren't even about Christmas! One is about a Thanksgiving food drive. Another is about a "Principle-For-A-Day" program. This is what Disney packages as a Christmas movie? Bah!
As I look at the DVD box right now, there's a little square in the left-hand corner that says "Your Satisfaction Is Guaranteed." And if I'm not satisfied within 30 days of purchase, I can send the DVD back to Disney for a refund. Well, it's too late for that, and really, not worth my trouble since if it was within 30 days, why not drive it back to the store and return it right there? That "Satisfaction Guaranteed" nonsense is just another PR maneuver.
It's not like Recess Christmas is the only Disney title that has been falsely advertised. Tarzan & Jane was also advertised as being new, but again, it simply combined old episodes from the Tarzan TV series with a few minutes of new footage. And if you want to do that, then be my guest (be my guest, put our magic to the test), but at least make it clear to the prospective buyer. Mickey's Magical Christmas is the same way. Like Recess, it says "Full-Length Holiday Movie" right on the box but it's just a bit of new footage and a whole lot of old footage (in this case, I knew what I was paying for). Also, like Recess, Magical Christmas does not make it clear to the buyer in the "movie" descriptions on the back of the box that it's mostly made up of old footage.
Damn you, Disney. Way to lie. Nice example for our youth. Nice way to burn 'em on your product.
